one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
