Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
