oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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