she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
