i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
