everyone is single if you try hard enough
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize