saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Randomize
