i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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