Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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