I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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