Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
