I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
