my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
