I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
