I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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