Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
