I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
