either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
