I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
