We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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