well I can't set my house on fire every night
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
