Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize