Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
