You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
