You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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