the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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