Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them

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(203): View more from Connecticut

i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..

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(972): View more from Texas

My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.

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(661): View more from California

Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw

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(970): View more from Colorado

I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."

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(702): View more from Nevada

But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!

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(708): View more from Illinois

I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him

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(314): View more from Missouri

I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?

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