Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
