So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize