Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
