All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
