Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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