Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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