i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This is my gift to your gina
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
