We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
