; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
