Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
