question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
