I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
