so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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