Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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