wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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