He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
