Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
