I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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