The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
