I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
