i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
