tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
