after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Too much gin, very little bucket
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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