it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
