do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
