i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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