he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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