She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize