Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
