Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
