She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize