Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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