dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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