Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
