my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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