you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
