Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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