dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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