Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
