I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
